The Wedding Banquet: The Worst Episode of “Three’s Company” Ever . . .

Good day all,

Well I am extremely glad to be writing you all again, as last week I gave you a bit of a cliffhanger as to whether the lady had gotten bored and was ready to dispatch me (like, shoot me and drop me in a ditch). Regular viewers will remember that I was worried about all of the great movies she had been forcing me to watch and knew she was setting me up for some bad movies to come or ready to kill me. This movie proves she ain’t killing me, because holy shit did I hate it. Now I know a lot of you will start yapping about how brilliant Ang Lee is, and I would calmly respond Hulk (sorry Mr. Lee, that’s unfair to keep bringing up). For realsies, I think the only way I can explain my feelings on this flick are through a meditation on Lady Gaga (camera 3) :

Hey all. When a person makes a statement about something, they can give an opinion (that movie sucks, that kid is ugly) or they can make a statement about quality (That movie sucks because Michael Bay confuses explosions with character development, that kid is ugly because his parents are ugly). When I first saw Lady Gaga I thought she was funny looking and that her music sounded weirdly interesting. The more I heard and saw of her the less interest I had, and the more I came to realize that her music was not to my taste (opinion). Then I saw her on SNL, doing “Butter Face” to the piano and had to admit the woman has a spectacular voice and some musical talent. I listened to her music with a new ear an came to the conclusion that I still hated it, but it was more interesting than most of the crap on the radio, then I realized how old that made me sound, then I died a bit, then I concluded that I was still awesome and “with it.” So while I recognize the woman’s talent and her attempt to bring theatricality back to pop music (quality) I can confidently say I hate her music (opinion). Also, shock should say something. I can take a dump on a duck and call it a statement on Egyptian freedom (big ups), but a muppet dress is still a muppet dress. That’s how I feel about this movie; I recognize its quality while wanting to stab it in the face (repeatedly).

Thanks for that. I think I needed to work through some Gaga related trauma. Sometimes the lady hums her songs while bike-locking a cracker to the radiator. Regardless, this movie is well acted, shot and edited, but I wasn’t intrigued by the story. I know you’re all jumping to the “he’s a homophobe” thing, and to you I say “hey, shut up!” I just wouldn’t care about what my parents thought, or keep the lie going after choosing to start it. I’m sure there is some history of homosexuality in China, and some kind of accepted means of letting the folks know you like your own team, so the whole premise felt like Three’s Company, without Mr. Roper avoiding sex and Jack Falling down (and Larry looking like a pedophile, seriously). You can see the big shocker coming from a mile away (and it’s pretty unbelievable) and it gets pretty dark. The last thing I expected was to get into the life/choice debate in a coming-out-of-the-closet story (for my opinion, see George Carlin in his “Back in Town” special). I will say that I like the resolution, and that the whole maintaining appearances and loving each other, flaws and all, is what ties family together. I like the moral even though I didn’t really care about the story or characters.

There is one other topic I have to tackle. Sorry for telling you to shut up earlier, but I hate homophobia. I work in an industry where everyone is “fag” this and “queer” that and it is pure and simple ignorance. Most guys hate gays without ever knowing them, and I catch a lot of flack for the opinion I’m about to give from these yahoos (or did until “she” Shanghaied me). I have tried some freaky stuff in my day and try to imagine some else having any right judging or hating me for it. The second I feel that way I can’t hate on anybody else for their freaky stuff, even if it seems gross to me. My stance is who cares? I was not made uncomfortable by gay guys being gay, and this movie is full of gay guys being gay; it’s just that the humour was kind of sitcommy and some complex emotions fell into place pretty easily (in an interesting way). It just bothers me how easily the guys at work toss the words around, and they are hate terms. Imagine throwing jokes around with the n-bomb or denying the Holocaust with the ease you hear gay bashing (or jokes that slag women for that fact); disturbing. Like Lady Gaga, it is a lifestyle and culture I don’t get, but I can respect what it has to offer and recognize its rights.

So, all in all, we’ve learned and grown together. This is a good movie if you like that sort of thing, but I hated it. Take it home for your wife, come across as sensitive and reap the rewards; use it to do some good. Certainly worth a watch, knowing what you’re getting into, but watch Brokeback Mountain instead (far fewer laughs but an incredible love story). Until the next time I wreck a wrist to get loose from the bike lock, keep it rocking.

The Hostage

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~ by stew37 on March 15, 2011.

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