50 Scariest Horror Movies: Part 1

•November 26, 2011 • 6 Comments

Finally! Finally we got our act together and made the fucking list. It was not easy. There was much debate and disagreement. But at last, we have for your review, the horror movies we find to be the most gut-churning scary films out there. Before we start, a few caveats:

1. This is a list of the scariest, not best, horror movies. We make no guarantees as to the quality of each film. Some are excellent, others downright stupid. But all have given us the visceral reaction to fear that is my main hope whenever I pop in a horror flick.

2. We don’t find gore scary. Too many movies rely solely on gore or torture, believing that makes a movie scary. To us, it may make a movie uncomfortable, or even disturbing, but it’s not scary. I don’t go home and have to turn my lights on, I don’t have to look under my bed, the movies don’t activate my imagination. We believe what you don’t see is almost guaranteed to be scarier than what a filmmaker can show you.

3. Personally, I hate ranking. I hate making stupid little niggly distinctions between films to somehow conclude that one is better (or in this case, scarier) than the other. So this is a general ranking. #5 will definitely be scarier in our minds than #37, but is #11 actually scarier than #12? Eh. At that point, it’s a matter of preference.

So here we go, from the top on down.

50. Friday the 13th(s) (1980, and so on…)

The hostage: I honestly feel like this is like an “honorary mention” or lifetime achievement sort of thing. There are tense moments in each of these movies, less in each picture as you move down the line, but I don’t see them as terribly scary. Cruella’s a bit of a realist in saying avoid Camp Crystal Lake, but what if you go into space or happen to be in New York City for the same 15 minutes Jason is there? I was held in more suspense, as a kid, about which of the girls would gear down before being killed horribly. I always thought Christian fundamentalists were behind these flicks. There’s a real “do any bad shit and you die” vibe, and then only white, Christian virgins are left to live happily ever after. Now that future is scary. Like South Park heaven.

The cinephile: To be honest, I’ve never found Jason Voorhees to be all that terrifying. Maybe it’s because (at least for the first seven films), all you had to do to keep from being killed was avoid Camp Crystal Lake. Problem solved. BUT I can recognize that he is a horror icon for a reason (creative kills and great gore), and the first installment has one great scare worth the price of admission. Stealing a page out of Carrie‘s book, Friday the 13th waits for us to let our guard down at a seemingly peaceful ending before throwing out an unexpected (but not unearned) jump. And Kevin Bacon’s death may be 35% responsible for my pervasive fear of the Man Under the Bed.

49. The Devil’s Backbone (2001)

The hostage: You can write this is stone, gold bond it and have whatever deity you believe in, if any, bless the following statements: fuck Facists in all forms right in their stupid ears, and little kid ghosts are scary. It’s a very bleak world in tone and stock, and then is ramped up with a stellar, traditional ghost story. Brilliantly shot and edited, in fact, one of the “best” flicks on the list.

The cinephile: This is simply an eerie ghost story. I can’t think of a specific scene that I found scary; it’s more like a general feeling of dread throughout. I think Guillermo Del Toro does his best work in Spain. He seems to have much to say about the Spanish Civil War, and he does so through his films. The Devil’s Backbone not only presents us with the supernatural fear of a ghost, but also with the hard realities of war, the helplessness of being a child, and the threat of fascism.

48. The Cell (2000)

The hostage: This movie is a piece of shit. If Vince Vaughn, the idiot cop, had just followed the lead on the bizarre rack (you know, police work), you would never have to jump into the killer’s mind. Having said that, Tarsem (seriously, that’s Miss Teen Pretentious 2011’s name) has a great eye. Everything in Vinnie D’s melon is effectively creepy, except the CGI lizard face on the kid – I kinda want to kick him. The best scene is the hand crank (though the horse is pretty crazy too). I consider it revenge for the Psycho remake.

The cinephile: The hostage is harder on this movie than I am, although there’s a lot to complain about in The Cell. Vince Vaughn as a serious actor. Jennifer Lopez as a serious actor. A sometimes ridiculous plot with giant holes, as outlined by the hostage. It is also responsible for some of the more horrifying imagery I’ve seen put to film. The director, Tarsem Singh, is a visual genius, although he apparently borrows heavily from other sources in creating his nightmare world. Still, this inner universe he has created for Vincent D’Onofrio’s profoundly tormented serial killer is pretty much exactly what you would expect to exist inside a killer’s twisted mind. I find the scene in which Lopez discovers his doll display to be especially effective.

47. Pet Semetary (1989)

The hostage: The kid, that’s it. I know the lady will talk of Zelda and the general idea, but the kid is the only thing in this movie that really scares me. I actually break out laughing every time Herman Munster tells the dad about the graveyard simply because of the spoof about the K-13 in Asspen (which is, in turn, a spoof of Better Off Dead. Big ups to John Cusack). Where was I? Oh yeah, the kid, that’s it.

The cinephile: The concept alone is terrifying, despite what the hostage says. What if, in your grief and despair, you resurrected a dead loved one only to have to kill them again when they “come back wrong”? The movie does not live up to the concept, but there are two elements that earn it a spot on this list. The first is anything involving Zelda, who terrified me as a child to the point that I could not sleep with my door open (I couldn’t help but see her climbing my staircase to come get me). Maybe that’s more about guilt, because as a young girl, I knew I would want that monster dead too, even though she was my sister. (To be fair to little me, I wasn’t aware that spinal meningitis doesn’t turn people into twisted freaks.) The second is the scene in which Gage severs Judd’s Achilles tendon from under the bed, which I’m pretty sure is 48% responsible for my fear of the Man Under the Bed. Sometimes dead is better.

46. The Fly (1986)

The hostage: David Cronenberg could direct Little Bo Peep and that shit would terrify me. This guy has things in his brain that make me shudder, in a “scary overweight guy in a van hanging out at a pre-school” kind of way. A great take on the classic with stand-out special effects and a sense of decay you can’t wash off for weeks. Sidebar: I used to like Geena Davis, and a lot of her movies, but I have grown to hate her. I watched A League of Their Own recently and kind of wanted to punch her in her smug face the whole time. Goldbloom’s the bomb (like Affleck in Phantoms).

The cinephile: Great gore, great acting, good storyline, and the documented transformation from man to insect. Blech. Also, given that having children is already high on my list of nightmare experiences, there’s a birthing scene that amps up that fear to new, disgusting levels.

45. The Evil Dead (1981)

The hostage: Tree rape, nuff said.

. . . just kidding. The rest of the series turns so clearly to comedy that this is the only one we could include without cries of Raimi bias. There are a million cabin in the woods movies, but this goes from slow to absolute mayhem with steady dread. It is scarier than most of its kind and deserves this spot, and I will leg wrestle any motherfucker that disagrees.

The cinephile: I know most horror fans would put the Evil Dead movies in the horror-comedy camp, and I definitely feel that way about Evil Dead II (1987) and Army of Darkness (1992). I also think The Evil Dead is definitely the weakest in the series. But there are some seriously chilling scenes involving the possessed cabin-goers, particularly the one in the cellar, and the eerie one who sits cross-legged on the floor and giggles maniacally. It has something to do with that painted-on grin she wears – it makes the demon beneath all the scarier.

44. House on Haunted Hill (1999)

The hostage: This movie is also a piece of shit. The first hour or so has the potential to earn the title, and enter Dawn of the Dead (2004) territory as a remake nearly worthy of the classic it is based on, the holy grail of remakes. Then they start with the CGI and it all goes to hell. That twitchy-assed doctor wandering around the abandoned, mental institution like a puppet in a Tool video scares the hell out of me, and then that bowel movement of a final act just wrecks it all. It’s like finding a four-year old piano prodigy, and then drowning it.

The cinephile: Is there anything scarier than old insane asylums? There’s something about the combination of madness and the cruel practices of old institutions that makes the building seem destined for ghostly activity. The ghosts in House on Haunted Hill are very creepy – the use of the security camera footage is especially effective. Unfortunately, the end turns into a disastrous explosion of CGI cheesy effects that pretty much ruin the flick, because let’s face it: vague shadowy doctor figures = scary; a giant killer smoke cloud = ridiculous. Yes Lost, you heard me – ridiculous.

43. Child’s Play (1988)

The hostage: Laugh all you want, but that doll is creepy. This is another one that loses cred for the absolute joke the franchise became, but the first movie goes for it and pulls it off pretty well. Imagine your kid being right when he says his doll is possessed, and then you have to convince a cop that you aren’t insane. That moment, a convention among horror movies, when the character doubts their own sanity scares the shit out of me. I think it’s tied to a fear of dementia or Alzheimer’s. Sidebar: Go back and watch any movie with Chris Sarandon from the 80s. He looks kind of like a child molester doesn’t he? Or maybe a gay, serial killer stalking a victim is a better analogy. Feel free to comment.

The cinephile: Dolls are terrifying. Dolls that talk and/or move are even worse. Dolls that talk and/or move on their own are the worst. There’s plenty of fun cheese in the Chucky movies, and Charles Lee Ray quickly becomes a joke, but the original still taps into that fear that the childhood toys we love so dearly may harbour us ill will – that little Timmy isn’t safe in his own room. The scene in which Karen flips Chucky over to reveal an empty battery pack, and Chucky’s head whirls around to spout off one of the clichéd Good Guy lines, has traumatized me since I saw it in a clip on TV when I was 8. I’d say that scene is 52% responsible for my debilitating fear of dolls.

42. The Crazies (2010)

The hostage: That scene in the hospital is the one that gets me, just like all of you I’m sure. There is a scare, however, that a lot of people overlook. This is what the government, shit, any government with the resources, would do. There is probably some serum in some bunker, somewhere that could turn us all coo-coo, bananas, crazy pants, and if it ever got out they would kill a ton of people to keep shit from turning into 28 Weeks Later. It would be the right choice too. It scares me that some Gomer Pyle asshole could drop a box in a military installation near me and the government murdering me is the best solution.

The cinephile: I like The Crazies. There are a number of ways one can tell an us-against-our-loved-ones story: zombies, witchcraft, possession… of all the ways it could happen, a virus seems the most plausible. A secret government/military weapon virus, you say? Sure, why not. Short of immunization (something tells me they were out of those shots at the clinic), people cannot protect themselves from a virus, and anyone could be infected. And when they go crazy in this movie, they go crazy. Like eye-sewing-shut crazy. Light-your-family-on-fire crazy. Puncture-people-with-a-pitchfork crazy. Which is, I know, the scene most people would think of, but I’m partial to the car wash sequence. Car washes make me feel vulnerable, as though I couldn’t escape if I had too. Someone get on that already: a killer car wash.

41. Suspiria (1977)

The hostage: I don’t really find this that scary, which I know is a no-no among Argento lovers, but the Italians, in general, are more about gore than scares. There are certainly some tense moments, and the idea of those claiming to be working in your best interests in a conspiracy against you is scary (much like Rosemary’s Baby), but it doesn’t jump to my mind when I think scary movie. Great horror flick though.

The cinephile: I feel like a horror turncoat when I write this, but I don’t really find Argento’s work to be that scary either. He operates a lot within the slasher genre, which is fun but rarely incites terror in me. And I’m sorry, but witches? When have witches ever been scary? Still, he’s a horror god, and delivers some of the best gore available, so he had to be represented on this list. Suspiria is probably both his best and his scariest work, from what I’ve seen. He’s good at conveying to the audience that feeling of loneliness and isolation that people can feel when they encounter strange or frightening situations in a foreign country. And the first kill is just a work of bloody art.

We’ll have the next section up soon. Until then, see also:

A Prelude to the List: On the Subjectivity of Scary

50 Scariest Horror Movies: Part 2

50 Scariest Horror Movies: Part 3

50 Scariest Horror Movies: Part 4

50 Scariest Horror Movies: Part 5 (Top Ten!)

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A Prelude to the List: On the Subjectivity of “Scary”

•November 11, 2011 • 6 Comments

Well, I don’t think either the hostage or I really understood what we were taking on when we decided to make a list of 50 horror films. It took us days to just agree upon whether or not we wanted to go with “Best” or “Scariest” horror movies. No doubt, best is easier. There are objective markers to use – plot, acting, writing, directing, use of special effects, etc… not so when making a list of the scariest. Unfortunately, it also means that most “Best of” horror lists are pretty predictable.

“Scary” isn’t an impartial evaluation – it’s a gut, emotional reaction. Fear isn’t rational or logical, and it often stems from our past experiences. Thus, scary tends to be much more personal and different for each individual. Several years ago, I saw The Grudge (2004), and am ashamed to admit that it scared me to the point I had to sleep with the lights on that night. I’m ashamed of this because, apart from the ghosty bits, The Grudge is not a good movie; the pacing is terrible, the story incidental, the acting (sorry Buffy!) just passable. And yet I still get tense when I hear the rattle in her throat, or imagine her crawling up my sheets under the covers. The Grudge would never make a list of the best horror movies, but the scariest… I told this to a friend, and he scoffed at me, stunned that a horror maven such as myself would be cowed by this film, which he found laughably bad. I, impressed by his clear bravery, asked the last movie that really scared him. His response: Darkness Falls (2003). Wait, what? You mean the one with the Tooth Fairy? No, seriously though. I was shocked, because I found that movie to be a massive disappointment in the fear department.

But that’s “scary” for you. It doesn’t have to make sense. I can’t tell you why watching a psycho slasher go on a rampage doesn’t raise my heart beat a tic, whereas matching ghost girls bidding me to play with them forever makes me hold my breath. Which one do I have a better chance of encountering, and therefore should fear? But alas, emotions don’t seem to pay much attention to rationality. So I expect some will read the list with a feeling of shared kinship, and others will think us batty. It’s ok if you think we’re crazy; we are.

One caveat: neither the hostage nor I find gore to be scary. It can enhance a scary movie, or deliver a great shock, or make you squirm uncomfortably in your seat, but it is not scary to us in and of itself. I think too many movies are made by people under the impression that if you show a lot of gore, you’ve made a scary movie. We’re more about what you don’t see than what you do. While we obviously love a good massacre, as anyone who reads the site can attest, the films we find scary are more about atmosphere and tension. Now, when you can find a flick that manages to pull off both a genuinely creepy atmosphere and excellent gore… that’s the holy grail. But we think torture porn flicks like Martyrs (2008) and High Tension (2003) rely too heavily on trying to shock you and don’t focus enough on trying to scare you. No offense to people who like those movies – we enjoy them too! They just won’t be making a list of films we find scary.

So we continue to work on the list (to be honest, actual life stuff has been crazy lately, which gets in the way of the important stuff. Like horror movie lists). We hope to have it soon.

K

50 Scariest Horror Movies: Part 1

50 Scariest Horror Movies: Part 2

50 Scariest Horror Movies: Part 3

50 Scariest Horror Movies: Part 4

50 Scariest Horror Movies: Part 5 (Top Ten!)

Wow! Did I ever start a domestic?

•October 31, 2011 • Leave a Comment

Good day all,

So have you ever worked long and hard to establish peace with an enemy, only to get excited by a joint project that will end up destroying you both? That’s what my bold statement the other evening kind of did. You know how it is; it’s a pumpkin carving party, you’ve had a couple beverages, you decide that io9’s list is way off in a few places and get punchy. To put such a short time frame on such a serious endeavor (blood was spilled arguing if Jason Voorhees will even make an appearance or if we go 50 “best” or 50 “scariest”). We will keep duking it out and have our first 10 to you in the next few days.

Cheers,

The Hostage

Hostage Teaser: The List

•October 30, 2011 • Leave a Comment

Good day all,

I’m not one for teasers, but I’m all for being the guy that says he hates something and then pulls that exact same shit. There has been a serious increase in traffic over the last few days (people love the lady’s take on Spike Jonze), inflating our already dangerous sense of self importance and pushing us to make bold statements. We have been watching io9’s list of “The 50 Scariest Movies Ever” with a pendulum swing from”yes!” to “kershmah?” We will have our 50 for you to consider just in time for Halloween, and thanks for considering our opinion worth listening to.

Cheers,

The Hostage (and Cruella en absentia)

Hostage Pick: Sweet Sweetback’s Baadasssss Song.

•September 30, 2011 • Leave a Comment

Good day all,

Sorry it’s been so long since I’ve had the chance to write, but I’ve been focusing a lot of energy toward a new project. It’s a self-help/support text about the healing power of acceptance; I’m really hoping for an endorsement by Oprah so she can later scream me out as a liar. But that is neither here nor there, or that other place, because the lady loosened the leash and I chose a Blaxploitation classic. Okay, maybe the lady has good taste and agreed to the choice, but this flick is still a beauty. The premise is that a brother (I have to write it that way, I’m a cracker) gets sick and tired of taking the man’s shit and makes a bold, considered decision the generally tear that mother down. This movie set the tone for the entire genre, much like Double Indemnity did for Noir, and has a story better than the film surrounding its birth.

This film is really the passion/obsession project of Melvin Van Peebles and was done entirely on his dime. The man spent every penny he had, could scrounge or cheat someone out of to realize his vision of a fed-up motherfucker (again, white). Melvin’s exploited, child labourer son Mario does a much better job of telling the story than I can in the spectacular film Baadasssss!. The point is that this film became a rallying point for the black community at a time when the hope of the Sixties was fading into the disillusionment of the Seventies. The film opens with a medieval quote basically saying “I don’t condone the shit in this movie, but it reflects how pissed off people are getting”, absolving himself of the violent catharsis to come (see honey, I’m smart too). I don’t care about that shit, it’s fun in a way that I can only break down in honour of a new fave: The Good,The Bad, The Weird.

The Good

The general look and feel of the movie is very real. It’s the type of flick that the snooty types will argue is either gritty or cheap (depending which side of their ass they’re talking out of, ZING). The slang is almost rhythmic and the message is sharp. You believe this guy is bad and he seems to garner respect from people in the community (he’s kind of a big deal). I can see a lot of respect for this movie in Black Dynamite, the best satire of the last twenty years, in that it nails the tone while gently nudging the weaknesses. The music is flat-out insane, due to the fact that a member of a little group called Earth, Wind and Fire was dating Melvin’s secretary before they hit it big. They ended up doing the music for peanuts and, allegedly, were never paid.  The score really pulls the action along and gives the movie an authentic vibe. It is powerful to see a community rally around this anti-hero that has finally taken a stand, but I can’t jump right into the pool. I respect the fact that the film takes a very clear and powerful stance against the institutionalized racism of the time, though I don’t agree with the violence attached to the statement. I feel very much the way about the statement as I do about the music of The Coup and Boots Riley (who looks suspiciously like Undercover Brother, right?); I disagree with the call for violent revolution and killing cops, but I have never experienced police officers that get off exuding their authority over minorities because I am, again, white (and male, I neva forgets tha ladies). If I had experienced racism to the extent they have I might call for violence myself. Regardless, this flick deserves its place among the greats of Blaxploitation and deserves your looking balls.

The Bad

The first thing is that the editing of the spectacular music is pretty terrible. The shoestring budget forced Peebles to have long montages to fill time, but anyone that gave Peebles  twenty bucks could get in the flick (money was that tight). The result is that the awesome music gets randomly interrupted by really rough cuts to a line or two of dialogue. It pulls you out of the vibe. It also leads to some terrible actors ending up on screen. The direction is solid, but it just looks cheap and rushed at times. Likewise, some of the editing is stellar while others are simply rough. Oh yeah, there isn’t really a story. Sweetback gets taken in by the man and can’t stand to watch the cops take a “let’s beat up a black guy” break on the way back to the station. The hero saves the victim and is forced to run from the angry, white establishment response to his audacity. That is another problem: this thing is about as ham-fisted as Rush Limbaugh (seriously, screw that fat, drug addict, racist). All white people are evil except for bikers, bikers seem to be okay. Even our hero starts out as a performer in an underground, minstrel style sex show. Granted, this is while he is still in the man’s psychological prison, but is an odd profession for a potential activist to have (imagine finding out Malcolm X did porn under the name Big Red McCool).  The flaws, and those of the films like it, are, again, wonderfully pointed out in Black Dynamite (seriously, go see that if you haven’t). It’s bad, but in the best way.

The Weird

The opening scene of the movie is a young man being dropped off by his blind mother at a brothel. I’m not sure if the blind woman was also a ho and got knocked up, or if she just lived in the neighbourhood and figured brothel was the best spot to abandon her child. The second scene is of an older prostitute luring a twelve year old Sweetback into her room and essentially raping him. It gets weirder when you consider that the actor playing young Sweetback is Melvin’s twelve year old son Mario (New Jack City, Nino Brown motherfucker) sprawled on top of the aged courtesan. The rumour is young Mario lost his virginity on camera, near to against his will, for the authenticity of the moment (did we mention Melvin was a little obsessed with this flick, like working to physical exhaustion). That’s the other thing. Sweetback has sex for a living, and all the ladies he bangs scream and quake with pleasure, but his technique is lying motionless on top of the lucky lady, missionary position. I tried that shit after seeing the flick and the lady looked at me like I had farted. This flick toes a line between artistic cultural statement and cheap schizophrenic mess, and I really think it reflects Melvin’s decaying sanity to finish it.

The result was a loyal cult following that overcame the challenge of the fact that almost no theatre would show it. A black dude killing a bunch of whit cops was pretty racy in 1971 and the black community ate it up. The conventions of the film are now gospel to the genre and it is a great example of a passion project, but the flaws are ample. Until the next time my friends, set the bar high and work yourself to death to achieve (or don’t, that’s my play).

The Hostage

Quick Recommendation: Feast (2005)

•September 22, 2011 • Leave a Comment

Feast is the horror movie to watch when you’re craving something bloody, over-the-top, and self-aware.

On the surface, there isn’t much to write home about: a group of people hole up in a restaurant to fend off a pack of bloodthirsty monsters. It reminded me in tone of Tremors, albeit without the developed characters or narrative drive. This film is simply people trying to defend themselves. So why would I recommend it?

Because it’s fun. My biggest gripe with modern horror movies isn’t the gore or blood, it’s the lack of humour. All the recent remakes I’ve seen (Nightmare on Elm Street, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Black Christmas, Prom Night, The Last House on the Left) have played it so straight, they pass entertaining and go straight to dour. Grim does not equate scary or enjoyable. I think many movies should be grim, when dealing with serious issues, like cancer and divorce. Not when dealing with a psychopathic family of cannibal hillbillies. Know your subject matter, people.

John Gulager, the director behind Feast, and the writers, Marcus Dunstan and Patrick Melton, know that all they’re making is a dumb horror movie with a shell of a story and some good gore. Because of this, they repeatedly make light of their scenario. For instance, when first introduced to each character, we receive a quick summary of who they are and how long we can expect them to be around. Ex:

Name: Bozo

Job: Not Likely

Occupation: Town Jackass

Life Expectancy: Dead by Dawn

Note the nod to the blood-soaked horror-comedy classic? These are filmmakers who know their genre, love their genre, and more than anything, love to mess with the conventions of their genre. There are two scenes early on that went against EVERYTHING horror movies have taught us for the last 70 years; both had me gasping in shock, following by laughter of delight (I love nothing more than being genuinely surprised by a film). They know the recipe, show it to you, and then toss it in the trash and cook from the gut.

I have some gripes. I’ve never been a fan of the low-brow humour, and there’s plenty to be found in Feast. At one point, they sever one of the creature’s penises, prompting a character to spout, “monster cock!” Eyeroll. Cheap and easy. And yes, these monsters like to hump. Cheap and easy. But that kind of humour didn’t repeat enough to wreck the flick for me, or it was overshadowed by the twists on convention.

Is it a great movie? No. Will it stimulate the intellect? Not likely. But will it entertain and amuse for 90 minutes? If you’re any bit the horror fan I am, you bet it will.

 

In (Dis)Honour of the Emmys…

•September 18, 2011 • Leave a Comment

I know this is a film blog, but I am just a watcher of all media, and so would like to address the Emmys briefly. I used to adore award shows. I used to eagerly anticipate The Oscars and The Emmys, guessing who I thought would win and ignoring the phone for 3 hours with a bag of peanut butter cups. It was never the fashion for me, it was the films or the programs; I know this because my favourite part of every awards show has been the clips we would see, spliced together to convince us is 30 seconds of the piece’s or person’s quality. I think that’s why my interest in awards shows went down around the same time I came to a startling realization: the people I thought should win almost never did, and were often not even nominated.

The Emmys is the worst awards show offender (of the viewing variety; the Grammys are just an absurd popularity contest). When Buffy the Vampire Slayer never won, and was nominated only once, I could rationalize that it was too weird, too supernatural, too genre for the stuffy old academy. Bunch of old coots sitting around playing crib, wishing Matlock was still on the air. Harrumph. (My apologies, but Buffy was just too damn good for its time.) When Deadwood won nothing, when Ian fucking McShane was nominated only once, I blamed the violence and the sex, the artful cursing and the ugly world. But The Wire was never nominated for a single Emmy. The Wire. Nay nay, Emmys. You’re out of excuses. And keep in mind, these shows were not ignored because of steep competition. How many best drama nods did Boston Legal get during this same time? For shame.

On a more positive note, I have recently discovered that I was wrong about yet another thing as a child. I guess I was too young for The Kids in the Hall when it first aired. I would have been 7 or 8 when it started – most of the humour is so adult it just went right over my head. Ok ok, I’m just trying to justify at this point, because we have been rewatching all the old episodes, and they are brilliant. Sheer genius. Among the best sketch shows I’ve ever seen, with wit abound. I caught this skit a few nights ago, and it perfectly summed up how I now feel about award shows:

So RIP, K and the award show! We had a good run, and I enjoyed myself. But your roots are starting to show, and your back hair’s growing back in. I think the affair is over.

K